I love conversations.
I've always known this, but now I think about it, it implies a bit more. One, that with that statement, I'm, in a way, defining who I am, as well as revealing it. Two, that my love for it is as much because of the conversations themselves, as it is for the fact that it reflects me. Three, conversations mean sharing thoughts with someone else, who can understand them, and then respond with their own; that implies a temporary bond, if the bond were to continue, it would mean we're friends. Wouldn't it?
This following thought came to me during such a conversation, with such a friend.
What is friendship? It's the foundation on which all other relationships are built. It is the basis as well as the end point. It is the best part, and the happiest moment, in any relationship. If you look back, the happiest you've been with your spouse, or your parents, or your siblings, or even your pet, was when the two of you were sharing a moment of pure friendship.
But what differentiates one friendship from the other? Why are some friends so close, while others distant?
This, in my view, is the essence of the matter.
We are who we are. Simple as that sounds, we don't always know who we are, or don't accept it. This may be because it either doesn't conform to our own direct expectations or society's indirect ones. So we change, twist and pretend ourselves into someone more satisfactory to the world, in our own opinion, which at times causes conflict. Because despite all efforts, as I said, we are who we are.
Now we come in contact with someone else, and a channel of communication opens. Now we have a choice of revealing our-self, our core self. Suppose we choose not to, and keep ourselves firmly behind the curtain, and only interact at a superficial 'working' level. The interaction is completed, our business is done, and the channel closes. This is how we interact with a conductor while buying tickets, or the clerk while paying a bill.
Suppose I choose to reveal myself a bit, my real self. Say a word or a sentence that reflects me, that only I would have said, that would be the first offering of friendship from my side. If I find that accepted, and reciprocated, that bond is completed, and a friendship is formed. I am friends with the security guard at my hostel, with the girl at the copy place outside my hospital, the servant in the ICU, and many of the sisters and nurses I've worked with. Even though I don't know any of their names, or any personal details, they and I have revealed some parts of our core personality to each other, and found it accepted and reciprocated.
But there are people with whom I've shared more than a small part. People who know my likes and dislikes, my mood swings, my favorite songs and my weaknesses. Who can call me at any time of the day or night, and who likewise answer when I call. Are they 'Friends' too? Do I call them something else? Do I measure how much of myself I've revealed to them, and assign them a token accordingly? Or put them in order of intimacy? Do I even know myself that well to judge?
And there is Smriti, who knows me better than anyone else; at times, better than I know myself. Do I call her a friend too? Does she stop being a friend now that we're engaged, and I have other definitions and titles to give, that society has so thoughtfully chalked out?
The level of your friendship, is the amount of your true self you can reveal to another person or entity, and find it accepted and reciprocated. So it follows that pure friendship is when you find yourself accepted, completely and unconditionally, when you have revealed yourself in full truth, naked in mind, body and soul. And quite often, it so happens, that it is at that moment of full surrender that you see yourself so clearly for the first time. If this self-realizing experience were to happen with another person, there is Love. If this were to happen with God, there is Faith. And if this were to happen with yourself, there is Nirvana.
That is the crux.
I've always known this, but now I think about it, it implies a bit more. One, that with that statement, I'm, in a way, defining who I am, as well as revealing it. Two, that my love for it is as much because of the conversations themselves, as it is for the fact that it reflects me. Three, conversations mean sharing thoughts with someone else, who can understand them, and then respond with their own; that implies a temporary bond, if the bond were to continue, it would mean we're friends. Wouldn't it?
This following thought came to me during such a conversation, with such a friend.
What is friendship? It's the foundation on which all other relationships are built. It is the basis as well as the end point. It is the best part, and the happiest moment, in any relationship. If you look back, the happiest you've been with your spouse, or your parents, or your siblings, or even your pet, was when the two of you were sharing a moment of pure friendship.
But what differentiates one friendship from the other? Why are some friends so close, while others distant?
This, in my view, is the essence of the matter.
We are who we are. Simple as that sounds, we don't always know who we are, or don't accept it. This may be because it either doesn't conform to our own direct expectations or society's indirect ones. So we change, twist and pretend ourselves into someone more satisfactory to the world, in our own opinion, which at times causes conflict. Because despite all efforts, as I said, we are who we are.
Now we come in contact with someone else, and a channel of communication opens. Now we have a choice of revealing our-self, our core self. Suppose we choose not to, and keep ourselves firmly behind the curtain, and only interact at a superficial 'working' level. The interaction is completed, our business is done, and the channel closes. This is how we interact with a conductor while buying tickets, or the clerk while paying a bill.
Suppose I choose to reveal myself a bit, my real self. Say a word or a sentence that reflects me, that only I would have said, that would be the first offering of friendship from my side. If I find that accepted, and reciprocated, that bond is completed, and a friendship is formed. I am friends with the security guard at my hostel, with the girl at the copy place outside my hospital, the servant in the ICU, and many of the sisters and nurses I've worked with. Even though I don't know any of their names, or any personal details, they and I have revealed some parts of our core personality to each other, and found it accepted and reciprocated.
But there are people with whom I've shared more than a small part. People who know my likes and dislikes, my mood swings, my favorite songs and my weaknesses. Who can call me at any time of the day or night, and who likewise answer when I call. Are they 'Friends' too? Do I call them something else? Do I measure how much of myself I've revealed to them, and assign them a token accordingly? Or put them in order of intimacy? Do I even know myself that well to judge?
And there is Smriti, who knows me better than anyone else; at times, better than I know myself. Do I call her a friend too? Does she stop being a friend now that we're engaged, and I have other definitions and titles to give, that society has so thoughtfully chalked out?
The level of your friendship, is the amount of your true self you can reveal to another person or entity, and find it accepted and reciprocated. So it follows that pure friendship is when you find yourself accepted, completely and unconditionally, when you have revealed yourself in full truth, naked in mind, body and soul. And quite often, it so happens, that it is at that moment of full surrender that you see yourself so clearly for the first time. If this self-realizing experience were to happen with another person, there is Love. If this were to happen with God, there is Faith. And if this were to happen with yourself, there is Nirvana.
That is the crux.
5 comments:
Conversations are all about sharing a part of you and accepting something/someone else in turn, even in silence we are in conversation!
To be accepted for who you are, complete with your imperfections and mistakes, is probably what most of us seek and never realize, and conversations are probably the first step to knowing those few people
(P.S. I love conversations too. That is almost the only basis by which I can define how close (or which level of friendship) a person is to me. Without it, the relationship seems like it never existed! Related to your post a lot and loved it :) )
"So it follows that pure friendship is when you find yourself accepted, completely and unconditionally, when you have revealed yourself in full truth, naked in mind, body and soul. And quite often, it so happens, that it is at that moment of full surrender that you see yourself so clearly for the first time. If this self-realizing experience were to happen with another person, there is Love. If this were to happen with God, there is Faith. And if this were to happen with yourself, there is Nirvana."
I'm glad I remember to come by this space.
p.s. congratulations on the engagement. Also, Ninad once mentioned that he worked with you at KEM. Strange, knowing bloggers you like are flesh and blood :)
'Even in silence, we are in conversation'. Love that thought.
Thank you. He mentioned having met you too. Denmark, was it?
I'm glad you stopped by too :) you seem to relate to my favorite bit.
how went your internship?
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