In Other News...

--AIPG 2012 results have been postponed indefinitely, thanks to the brave last-gasp efforts by Directorate General of Health Services, who decided that students across the country have earned the right to spend some more time in panicked anticipation. On a side note, he is also said to be staunchly against mercy killing.

Rumors regarding the unexpected decision abound, from the practical to the absurd. Will there be a re-exam? Are the powers-that-be manipulating the results? Did the top hundred students all give the exam from the same center? Was a leading examiner caught in a sex-for-mcq scandal with a desperate student? .. Our expert panel of judges agree that all the rumors are probably true.

--COMEDK, the entrance exam for pvt colleges in Karnataka, was in the news Sunday night for allegedly refusing to allow students without photos and ID proof to give the exam. Officials say that bogus students giving the exam is a genuine problem, and add that it's bad enough that the exam itself is bogus.

Private colleges across India are facing an acute shortage of management quota seats, in the face of increasingly large number of bribes offered. They are now considering holding a CET exam in order to decide who gets to bribe their way through first. The prescribed portion is said to be standard MBBS level. This should come as a big relief to all the deserving candidates who work hard carrying around crores of Rupees in cash, only to find the last seat already taken by someone with higher influence. This,say the spokesmen for Private colleges, will ensure a clean and transparent bribing process, and has been welcomed by the Builder and Businessmen community as a positive move.
However, a few protests broke out in Mumbai, organized by political parties, demanding that 50% be reserved for Marathi bribers.


--In National news, Iranian terrorists have attacked New Delhi, and our Government is worried. A Minister told this source," Iranian cricketers don't play in the IPL, so how the hell can India make its displeasure known?"

Delhi police say the terrorists used a device called the 'Sticky bomb', which attaches itself onto any high profile targets in public areas. In retaliation, our Government is contemplating a similar attack, by deploying Mallika Sherawat to act in Iranian films.

The US embassy, while condemning the attack, also conveyed how they had told everyone so. Such behavior from Iran, they added, was the reason they intended to declare war upon it. As an unnecessary afterthought, they further added that oil had nothing to do with it.

Pakistan, feeling left out, arrested its own prime minister.

--Mohammad Ajmal Amir Kasab, the boy who lived, has pleaded for leniency to the Supreme court. It's not his fault, claims his lawyer, that he shot and killed all those people. Blame it on exploitation of a twenty-three year old, based on religious ideology and false faith. He summed up by saying,"if you think about it, Kasab is the real victim here".

On the business front, the betting industry has flourished since Kasab's arrest, with money initialy being put up for bets on his expected date of execution, the manner in which it would be done, or if there would be any famous last words. Currently, bets can be placed on whether Kasab, on release, would return to his native Pakistan, or settle in India, where he claims to have had a blast. Other bets include his future career choice, once he hangs up his guns; with majority pumping for politics, while few feel he may try his luck in Bollywood, where everything bombs.

--Moving on to sports, Indian cricket has hailed MS Dhoni as its new hero, after he led them to an unlikely draw against Sri Lanka, in the 5th ODI of the tri-series. To him we say, congrats MS, keep up the good work, you're probably the best captain that Indian cricket is ever going to have. And just as it was with the case of Mrs.Dhoni, it takes the public a bit of time to realise that you're doing a great piece of work.

--Carlos Tevez, the perennially want-away striker, now wants-back to Manchester City, after even Argenitina got sick of his whining that he wants to be with his family. Recently, Mancini, who is the Man City coach, is seen to have softened his stance against Tevez, who, he had earlier claimed, will never again play for the club. Whether this is due to the striker's charm offensive, wherein he claimed to be Mancini's dog, is unclear.

-- And finally, to wrap it up, the highlight news of the week. The latest scandal to hit the battered shelves comes with an A-rating. 'Porn-gate', wherein two BJP legislators from Karnataka, were caught by a private news channel watching porn on a mobile together while the house was still in session. The party is now divided into fractions over the incident, with some supporting the parliament perverts, while others insist that watching it together comes across as gay, which is bad for party image, and they should have used separate mobiles. But they all agree that private news channels be banned from parliament for 'security purposes'; which, we assume, includes handcuffs.

Well, that's it from us. Stay tuned for upcoming events, and watch this space for further editions of 'In other news..'