The Disconnect Poem

I have no friend 

But that's ok.
I've never really needed one anyway.
But sometimes
I seek distraction,
Just for my own satisfaction.

While my comfort lies
In peace and silence,
At times I crave intellectual violence.
An obnoxious word
A dirty thought
A dark fantasy I've never got.

I find myself
In search of quirks
Displaced thoughts, incomplete works.
People on a tangent
Their ideas in shift
Personalities that don't quite fit.

I get turned on
By the weird or unheard
I dismiss the obvious and embrace the absurd.
I hate the mundane
The 'general point of view'
I have a pathological need for something new.

I look for twists
In every old fashioned story
Each childhood dream must find its grownup  glory. .
I seek familiar faces
But in strange locations
And I yearn for unexpected conversations.

If my body needs intimacy
Then my mind needs intelligence
People with minds with whom mine is in resonance.
I enjoy the beginning
And foreplay is fine,
But I prefer what comes after we've crossed that line.

I like paradoxical

Conflicts in retrospect,

Relationships that form while in disconnect.

Empty words that burn

And silences that sting,

Distances that only love can bring.

I know I'm toying with myself;
Like a twisted game of chess
Where I've checkmated myself; Eventually, I confess!
I do have my friends
Does that make it ok?
Maybe that's not what I've been looking for anyway.